Focus, Not Obsession

So where did that sweater obsession come from along with the resulting angst? After I thought more about CPnoH, and rejected it, I looked at several other sweater possibilities for the lovely Woodrose Beaverslide.The one standout was Chloe, a sweater that's been in my Favorites (on Ravelry) for a long time. Norma also threw the queue for a loop when she surprised me with the yarn for Gisela .It's very modern and should knit up quickly. I'm trying to decide if I should fit it in right away (oh no!) or keep with the plan.(Plan, what plan!?)Habu Gima A-174  is paper-like cotton yarn, knit at a large gauge and it's a bit "crunchy" and hard to keep on the needles.(Addi's Lace needles should be the perfect helper.)The smoky, dark blue charcoal will be beautiful with black, gray or other winter colors.Maybe this would be a good foil to work at the same time as the Bohus sweater as it's on a larger needle and will knit up very quickly.And then there is Cassidy, by Bonne Marie, and Véronik's (Rav link) new sweater from Vogue were high on the list (have you seen the cool new slide show?) but, both would take more yardage.So, instead of buying more yarn for more sweaters, I'm all about knitting from stash.Money is tight and the reason one has a stash is to keep on knitting through all crisis! That's what Elizabeth Zimmermann says, and I believe that only with a good stash can you be fully prepared for a rough road.

Gasp...breath...

Did you see how quickly my mind got caught up in monkey behavior all over again?  Read the above paragraph as quickly as you can and you'll see how all this mania can make one, that is me, crazy. The truth of the matter is we knitters have an amazing number of fabulous patterns at our disposal.  A place like Ravlery brings a world of ideas, patterns, yarns, books and social events together in one place and the mere number of possibilities can be overwhelming. Instead of seeing and using Ravelry as a resource we pour all of our desires into it.

Lynn has had a similar monkey mind experience to mine, and she asked "Would you please tell us someday how you learned this calmness in the face of desire?"   

Desire, want, anticipation are all words that bring me up short.  While I am no expert on the art of being Zen, the one thing to remember is "being Zen" is a practice, something to strive towards every minute of every day. There is no end to the journey, only the journey itself.  Knitting is like life, it's full of ups and downs, failures and successes, forked paths and error prone ways.  No part of it is "bad", it is what it is and we can not, should not and will not ever control it.   

We are what we are and only by acceptance will we find any semblance of peace.  All this is easy to say, perhaps easy to understand, but living it, being it, can be difficult.   It's all good, life is what it is.

The easiest way I have found to stop my monkey mind is to change focus.  What is the focus of my obsession, what is the cause of the obsessive thinking?  Do I have control over the "thing", the person or the action that is making me crazy? Is there anything, anything at all, I can do to change the situation? If there is, then action should be taken, but if not, the best thing to do for your sanity is to change course, change your focus. 

Lady Day, in addition to the sweaters I couldn't knit while I was knitting her, had forced their way into my head.  They danced, taunted, teased and did their best to make me crazy.  The only way to find peace was to walk away from them all, change my focus from desire to need.  What did I need in that moment to cope with life? 

The first part of any assessment, at least from my point of view, is to look around at all that is yours, all that you have, at what is important and treasured.  Of course, we may first see the "things" we cherish; our homes, our clothes, our cars, our possessions. If you have one bowl to hold your rice (and rice to eat) is it not enough?  If you have one sweater to keep you warm, is it not enough? Even more important to us is our family and friends…are they not the true measure of a person?  Are they not the true measure of success? Are they not all that is needed to live a good life?

Acceptance that you can not knit everything, acceptance that what you knit is enough, acceptance that what is now is enough, will make you a happier more whole person and help to quiet that monkey mind.

When I returned to Lady Day, after the evening of simply knitting in the moment, I could clearly see what I could not while in monkey mind (anticipation) mode.  She was so near completion and it would only take an hour or two of knitting, and finishing, before I could wear her. Our journey together now moves on to the next step. It's also clear that the monkey mind did nothing to make this happen...lesson (re)learned.

Breath, knit, breath...

Comments

[Nicole]

I love Ravelry and find it to be an incredible resource. But, like you, I also find it to be overwhelming at times: too many patterns I'd like to knit but will never get to, too many cool groups that I'd like to participate in/post messages to but will never have time to fully participate in, etc. Sometimes it's hard not to feel discouraged after spending a bit of time surfing Ravelry.

I think your Lady Day sweater will be beautiful and can't wait to see the modeled pics!

[Rachel]

I see you found Veronik's sweater in Vogue without my help. It is the one that called your name the second I saw it. But, it can wait! being in a nice cue like yours just make a sweater better I think :)

[Lynn]

I'll keep practicing. The monkey mind has started to fade away over the past year or so (I can walk into Webs now without hyperventilating), but it still has the upper hand.

[Carole]

You offer some excellent advice here. I find that knitting actually helps me stay in the moment and I try not to let my mind wander much but really just focus on each stitch and how it feels.

[CindyCindy]

The one gift that comes with age (and, truly, the only one I can think of right now;-) is wisdom. If we stop and listen. The key word is stop. Then, and only then, can we begin to silence the monkey brain. And, you put it all so eloquently grrrl!

[ruth]

That's all well and good, but you posted some wonderful sweaters, and now MY monkey mind is on a roll. I don't know if I should thank you or hit you with a skein of yarn.

I have found that adding projects to my Ravelry queue helps in monkey-mind. Once they are there, I happily forget about them sinc I know I can always find them.

[Knitnana]

Veronik's Vogue Old Penny sweater is on my list, too.
(sigh)
Classics...all. And knitting from stash is my plan for the fall...(she says...almost convincing herself!)
Now I'm going to go work on my monkey mind...and breathe....
Thank you for being your inspirational self, dear Margene!
(((Hugs)))

[Chris]

I'm glad you were able to calm the monkey mind. I'm not usually successful!

[Jewel]

I think the Chloe pattern is very cute and love, love that yarn.

[Marcia]

Monkey mind? How about a trip to the end of the WEBS August sale with a list of patterns in your Ravelry tote bag? Ee ee, oo, oo (monkey sounds)....gimme banana!

[Wool Winder]

I enjoyed seeing the sweaters of your mind. So many nice ones!

[Dianne]

Chloe has my vote..she's classic elegance!..you can dress her up or down..
Monkey mind days are permitted..see how quickly you changed gears and became disciplined!
Thanks for the walk through your 'sweater channel'..:))

[susan]

You know, of course, what thought immediately popped into my head when I read this:
"[O]nly with a good stash can you be fully prepared for a rough road."

You can take the grrl out of the church but you can't take the church out of the grrl. Store much food lately? ;)

[Carrie]

Ha! Mary Poppins says, "Enough is as good as a feast." I agree (though don't always live that way).
The Rav queue has really helped with the Wantits. I slap stuff in there and tell myself I'll start a new project when I finish X, and half the time, I go back to look at the queue and have no interest in the stuff I was drooling over a few weeks prior. The stuff I'm still thinking about gets moved up, and is used as a carrot to get me working on the things that might be nearing the stall point. So far it's working! (I finished my languishing socks yesterday so once they're in the mail I'll be starting Linden!)

[marianne]

Fabulous post, you're a wise woman.

[Teyani]

Knitting has helped me through so many crisis moments - and I totally agree that having a stash during these times is critical.
So often, it is our self-imposed deadlines that bring out the monkey mind. So I often pause and ask myself, what's the rush.

[Kristy]

What a beautiful post, and such food for fodder. My life has not been the most pleasant and definitely not what I hoped and planned for when I was young and naive. However, I, too, have learned acceptance of that which I cannot change. I ponder the "what is enough" question on a daily basis. I know I have been blessed with gifts beyond measure, and I literally count those gifts in my daily prayers to remind me of the wonderful life I do have. No, it isn't the life I expected, but it's my life, and what I do with it is all that matters.

Keep your chin up and keep smiling and reminding yourself of the wonders and beauty in your life.

[Vicki]

This is why I love you!

[Penny]

Well, thank you. Now MY monkey mind wants to knit all these new cardigans you turned me onto. It makes me ache because I know I don't have the time or money to do all the projects I am yearning to do.

Oh, and I love that video slide show!

[Heather Joins The Round]

Yes, that IS why we have a stash, isn't it? Great point!

Knit on, through all crises! Thanks, Elizabeth, and thanks, Margene!

[elizabeth]

Ha- I posted about this today! Reorganizing my stash this past weekend helped me realize just how much I have and how all that yarn really needs to be turned into something. But no pressure, and no flitting from project to project. Also, no more yarn for awhile! :o)

[Cookie]

Nice to know that I wasn't the only one thinking "pantry" when you were talking about stash. *L*

Very wise as always, darling Margene.

I've found that having a memory (for patterns) like a sieve helps a great deal in keeping the monkey mind in check. I can't remember what or where I saw something I loved, so it doesn't haunt me. Now if I could just get the girlies to stop emailing me links to Ravelry patterns. *L*

xo

[Leslie]

It's the change of seasons. And a sign of mental health to be excited by all the wonderful, creative possibilities. Exhausting, though.

[Lucia]

We all have these ailments now and then. For quite a while now I've been suffering from a slightly different bug, choice paralysis -- that and having a bunch of inchoate ideas that really need some time and effort to take solid shape. Now and then I try to kick myself out of it by working on a small, easily completed project, but that puts me no further ahead. It's time to get some duty knitting that's also been languishing out of the way, then pick one, any one, and do the work.

All of which may have little to do with your post, but if your kick in the pants gets me moving, you'll have my undying gratitude.

[sandy]

I deal with Monkey brain every day of my life. It's a gift! :D
LOVE that blue yarn! I love your knitting. It inspires me.
xo

[Sarah]

You wrote of that process so wonderfully. I will let these thoughts keep me company.

[Birdsong]

A very good analysis, and obviously you have been practicing. I am also concentrating on knitting from stash and not spending, and find that I need to remind myself, 'this is me, that is them'.

[Kim]

what a beautiful post of Zen!